So tedious.

“So what are we doing now?”

I find myself asking that alot. As in, what’s going on now isn’t interesting me, someone think of something that will. I also find myself calling other people and trying to arrange social events. I imagine this is rather annoying for them, but I wouldn’t know, because no one ever asks me what’s going on or calls me up.

These leads to some strange conclusions, all of which may be false:

1. People are generally happy doing (what I perceive to be) nothing

2. People are happy doing this without me

For once I would like to be among people that are doing interesting things, that say “Hey, we’re gonna go do this, why don’t you come along?”

The Forer Effect states that people agree to almost any description (like those provided by personality tests or horoscopes) that is flattering. That’s why I can take a Myers-Briggs one day and be an introvert, and then taking it the next day, find that I’m actually an extrovert. In reality, my values are highly internal, even though I often look outside myself for meaning. We are not archetypes, all of us.

I’m pretty noncommittal in life-and-death issues. Even though I’ve never dealt with the loss of a close friend or family member, imagining the reactions of others to my demise keeps me going. I figure that at least a few people would be really bummed out by my going, and since I hate causing others distress, I do my best to stay alive. Best not to imagine that in the big scheme of things, not that many people would miss me. I’d better work on becoming famous or something.

If someone near you died, how would you react? The four stages are supposed to be denial, depression, anger, and acceptance. Somehow I think I would get to the last stage too quickly, perhaps by skipping the other three.

Nothing seems real.